Toke + Tell Episode 1 - Cannabis Makes Me a Better Mother

This is it, I am approaching the final moments before I am about to lose my shit. Within this moment, I recognized I desperately needed a break. Trying to remain as patient as possible while waiting for my husband to take over the kids so I can have a moment with Mary.

I’ve been by myself with a two-year-old and a 10-week-old for about six hours now, but who’s counting? It's a little silly to think how dramatic I am being, six hours is really not that long. However, this little timeframe actually feels like I put in 40 hours.

Finally, my moment approaches, I take a few puffs, inhaling its beauty and exhaling the bullshit. It's not long before I hear the baby crying and my husband responding with "I am not quite sure what you need here, little man". This is my cue to poke out my joint and make my way back upstairs. As I walk into the living room, he is attempting to pass him to me and he is saying, "Here, you need to feed him". I quickly changed my shirt and washed my hands so I could begin my duties. I take a seat to feed him, and I suddenly feel as if I finally have a few moments to breathe and clear my mind. I feel my body begin to escape fight or flight mode for the first time in what feels like a century.

He does not want to eat much and begins to fuss again. Prior to my session, I was having difficulty showing up and being there for his needs. What I was struggling with navigating through earlier, I was no longer. I turn to look at his sweet little baby face with so much compassion, asking him "What's the matter?" and he responds with the baby babbles. I wish I knew what he was saying, but until he can form words, it'll continue to be a guessing game.

So I continue on, propping him up on my shoulder and patting his back. He let’s out a little burp, "Oh, he just had a little gas", are the thoughts that crossed my mind as I notice his body settling a little more and his eyes become a little heavy. I didn’t dare move him; I kept him propped up on my shoulder and continued to walk back and forth to the kitchen from the living room. "I believe my arms may be on fire because they are burningggggg", are the thoughts crossing my mind. By this point, I am ready to throw in the towel; however, I tell myself, "keep pushing bitch, you got this".

This moment is not a big, profound moment - however, it’s within these little moments that I can come back and find myself.

Cannabis makes me a better mother - with the help of this plant medicine, I was able to reset myself. Before consumption, I was heading directly into an overwhelmed and overstimulated spiral, feeling as if I were unable to hang on. These feelings were getting to me, and I was finding it difficult to continue to show up as the kind, loving, and patient mother my children deserve to have. This medicine cleared the clouds and allowed me to feel refreshed, in order for me to find my way back to myself.

Until the next session my friends,

xoxo,

Brandy